Reg her

Hmmmm...I am not sure till what time I can stop thinking about her. She is like a magnet that attracts me. but there isn't much damage these days because of that. I have learnt to distance myself from her thoughts. I do it in various ways.
Sometimes, I feel I may not be suited for marriage. But like everything else, I would like to prove everyone wrong in my life. There are a lot of people who think that I cant take up business and do it successfully. But I am sure that I can do justice to any work that I take up, I have the confidence to strive hard to make a meaningful business. Let me see how things work out.
There was a girl in my previous project who was the same sunsign as her. And boy, I knew the attraction i had towards this girl. Its so natural for me to get attracted to this girl. Anyway, I knew my limits this time and also knew how the girl feels. So, I have been able to maintain a friendly relation. But thats a nice experience. to know that the girl can react in a similar way and have similar characteristics.

Problemos!!

I feel some kind of squeezed up feeling at home....I am not able to think as clearly or freely as I can outside my home...I am not sure if I am right, but I am getting this feeling sort of recently...Initially, I dismissed it as a mood change..but nowadays I am feeling it very strongly...Not sure where the problem is...Need to check it out completely!!! Guide me, Oh Lord!!

Today was one of those days when I felt so low to do work and about myself and me in this world. I am completely stressed out...Every day going to my home back provided the much needed relief of de-stressing myself. But this week, I am all to myself and that bores me completely..I hope to go out and explore the place...
And today, the girl reminded me of her by posting a pic in her album. Possibly she put it there for her parents. But after seeing her photo, it rekindled all the love/desire I had for her. I just cant get her out of my mind and these thoughts were taking me donw the path for a complete devdas feeling. Bit I am learning to ignore that feeling and get on with life. Theres more to life than just this girl. I shouldnt have got motivated to like this girl. Pleae give me strength to tide over such feeling sand lead me on the right path Sai. And Sai, when are you coming here. Please let me have your darshan. Let me get a chance of the glimpse of you Sai. My life would be redeemed.
And I am still not clear about marriage. Sometimes I feel teh need for companion but the feeling that you are there for me removes that feeling. So, should I really marry? Cant I do something useful work for this society in my life. Let me generate employment, provide needed help to the needy & make my world a better palce to live in Sai.
One thing that is clear being in bangalore is that, people want to lead a self centred life. With their own thoughts, their own interests and their own world. I think I cant live like that. If I marry, please guide me to find a good girl. Please help me look beyond the skin and find a true friend for life Sai. Its a difficult job, but I have faith in You to help me do that Sai. Please help me in that.
And please help us to work to achieve our goals. Please Sai!! Help us to deliver our work better. Help it be deployed successfully. Please Sai. Everyone's worked really hard and its a great feeling. Let this final lap go through successfully!!

Cant get her out of my mind

I have had this thought for long now to address it genuinely. I still do not know how to address it. I am saying about the girl - Harshitha. I just am not able to get her out of my mind. She is so deeply embedded in my consciousness that its been very tough not to think about her even for a moment in a day. Something tells me I should find it out from her if she is really not interested. I want to mail her and check out. But I donot want to do it. She would feel hurt if she realizes that she is causing so much pain to someone else. Thats her attitude. Oh God! What a dilemma you have put me in. I dedicate it at Your feet Sai. Please take over and make me take the right decision in life.
I am utterly confused for the moment about her - Was it Love or was it just a infatuation? I dont feel its infatuation. For I never desired her physical closeness; I just wanted to spend my life with her and my thoughts were never on the physical plane. Hmm...Cant say much...Praying to You to show me the guidance.

Devdas - Me??

I dont know why, for the past few days I have been thinking about Harshitha very much. I am not sure if this is due to her being at US or something else. Something made me to mail her and she responded. Was this because she was expecting me to enquire about her. For there is none at India, other that her parents, who would do it.
And the thought that I may end up not marrying Harshitha nowadays weighs heavily. I should not have loved her or is it unlimited desire for her. I never thought of attaining her. I had a vision of living with her. Living my life with her. May be this day and night dream is causing this pain in my heart. I cant say it to anyone. No one understands except my Lord. He teaches me every time what it is to love someone and how much pain we feel if it is not reciprocated. Hmmmm, this is making me search for her everywhere except calling her up. I just want to know something of her. Thats it. God, guide me on the right path. Please lead me and make me take the right decisions. I still feel we were made to meet in this life for some purpose. Please clarify me on this Lord!!

Life's like that!!

After all the hectic schedule in the last month, my role and my work has become very little in my project. I havent got much to do these days and I have been questioning my lead in this case to roll me off and take me back when work arises. But as usual, there has been no reply from him and I am still at Bangalore learning the ways of life and project delivery. Things have escalated to the senior management regarding the poor handling of the project by my manager. I hope he gets good counseling on how to learn to get better in handling these kind of projects. Its kind of strange that we are not able to learn anything from our manager for this is the period I need to understand how to handle people/issues and get better when I get the chance.
Harshitha has left for onsite and I felt so bad about it. I am happy that she has left. Atleast now, I can stop imagining meeting her on the roads or at her place. Thank God for that!!! But still, when she called up to say she was leaving, I just could wish her the very best and could say no more. I might not forget her for my life, but thats still early to say!!
Coming to alliances and marriage, I am not sure I would get married this year. I have been giving everyone the signal that I would get married but it doesnt seem likely this year. I just pray to God to show me the right path. Please lead me on the right path. I am feeling so weak that I dont want to type anymore. And I hear my grandma weeping behind me as I type and that adds to the misery. This body is born to die and I have to make the most within this timespan!
I hope I make it to HIM in this lifetime.

Lots of updates

Its been a long time that I have posted here. Its becoming the usual way nowadays. The thing is I cannot do this at Office and I need to be back at home and comfortable enough to do this. I am at Bangalore now and its been a hectic 3 weeks. I found out that the scope of the work is pretty much limited here. So, I think we are almost delivering the work that we are supposed to do. I wanted to go back home but my manager said that you have a good chance of getting promoted if you stay back here. I am just hoping that everything goes fine.

Now coming to my personal life, I was looking for a girl for marriage and there is one alliance that is almost through. I hope it works out well. The girl is ok and I hope that she has a very good character. Thats what is most important when I am going to lead my life with her. The process is going slow and I think it is the right way to happen. We should not hurry up into marriage and the girl should also be aware of the responsibilities that she might have when she comes home.

Harshitha hurt me when she spoke so unconvincingly that day. I hope I forget her soon. Its just the bad feeling that someone used me for some odd purpose. Otherwise, I am pretty much happy.

This girls name is Sampreethi and I hope she brings sweetness and happiness to the places she goes. My work is pretty much becoming more and more guiding teams. The foundation I had at TCS was very helpful. I thank God for showing me the right way. And I pray to You God to show me the right way in my life ecah and every time.

One more thing I need to do soon is to register the house in my name and start looking out for a good home near by to Tambaram. The sooner it happens the better. There are a few confusions reg the house registration and I hope it gets clarified soon. I think I have to be there to get this thing resolved completely.

Its been a great learning experience here in Bangalore. I really like it. But the sad thing is that the traffic here is pretty bad. I just cant understand how the traffic can be so pathetic when there has been so much investment done here. But anyways, Chennai is far better than this place and I long to go back to my hometown. This is the first time in my life that I am feeling to go back to my hometown. I havent felt like this before. It last happened when I was in Sydney and I really felt I should be back in India. Now I feel that I should be back in Chennai. I hope I go back soon. But somethings are not under my control and I leave it to God to see that everything happens according to His Will. Please guide me Lord.

Sisters son is doing good. I forgot to mention this. My grandma is very ill. And she is confined to bed most of the time. Its been real hard work for my mother. May be she is repaying some previous birth's karma. I have to learn a lesson in the way people treat their mothers when they become old. I should take care of my mother and grandmother in the best possible way. The life I lead is their gift. Help me never forget this fact.

Lord, I pray to You to show me the right path amidst these very dynamic times. Its a learning phase for me and help me prepare for a bigger role ahead in my lif to serve the community. I should really grow out of all this and contribute to the community in a big way. Please help me do that. That should be the goal in my life. And I pray to You to give me life partner who would help me become that. Please Lord!!!